Warning:

*something that serves to warn, give notice, or caution*

Warning- This post is ridiculous.

w.jpg

-I’m just letting you know, I like to dance; everywhere and anywhere, at the drop of a hat. I dance on street corners, in shopping malls, occasionally at Brooke’s house on a Friday evening, when the room is filled with people I do not know or have just met. I have no shame. I dance at sporting events, weddings, funerals, work parties. One of my favorite places to dance is the grocery store. If you are easily embarrassed, walk slightly behind me and run at the first hint of a dance.

-I also sing loudly, in public, with an exaggerated tone, intentionally off key. If I begin singing, your cooperation and participation are expected. Failure to comply will be seen as a cowardly act on your part. Cowards and shirkers need not apply.

-Jeri Ryan was really young when she played Seven of Nine on Star Trek Voyager. Jewel Staite was also quite young when she played Kaylee on Firefly. Expecting them to be the same person many years later is ridiculous and strange. Most people change as they age. You are the unfortunate exception. Also, those were fictional characters. The actors aren’t *actually* those people. Your fantasies are dangerous. Stop stalking them, creeper.

-That shirt makes you look like a mobster. It’s not a good thing.

-Prison is not as interesting or relaxing as you might think, and certainly not a place to get caught up on all that reading you’ve been putting off. Make better decisions. There are easier ways to find some peace and quiet than killing that noisy neighbor. And don’t make threats. I’ve seen enough cop shows to know that if someone does knock off Loud Larry, you’ll find yourself across from two detectives, trying to explain how “I’ll bury you so deep, they’ll  never find the body,” was hyperbole.

-The water in my bathroom sink is always too hot. Attempts to alter the temperature either at the valve or at the water heater itself have only made the other faucets run too cold. I think there is a direct line from hell to my upstairs guest bathroom. One night, I heard eerie and malevolent voices coming from the pipes. I swear I smelled sulfur. When washing your hands, be wary.

-The photo below is an example of the wrong usage of the word warning.

warning.jpg

Attention would have been a better word choice. Commas are lacking as well, and there is no reason to use so many exclamation points. One is always more than enough. Fear not. The proper authorities have been informed and I expect severe action to be taken quite soon.

-This is caution tape. Your first clue should be the word Caution stenciled all over it. It is also usually yellow in color. If you come across caution tape, even placed as poorly as in this example, it is in your best interest not to cross over, not even just to see what might be in the hole.

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Snakes. Snakes and scorpions. Cockroaches too. Maybe a dragon or an alligator. Yep, that hole is filled with reptiles and insects of all sorts. Word on the street is Timmy saw a raptor trying to climb out the other day. An actual Raptor!  If you don’t believe me, go ahead, take the risk, ignore my warning.

This next part isn’t a warning, I promise.

Happy Wednesday. Thanks for stopping by. You always leave the best *likes* and comments. As a parting gift, please enjoy this song from William Elliot Whitmore. 

 

 

 

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About fenster

There are some who call me, Tim?

11 responses to “Warning:”

  1. kimberleycooperblog says :

    Those pipes have a lot to answer for. When I was a child the toilet we had was one of those high level cistern types where you literally had to ‘pull the chain’. It so terrified me that my dad had to tie a long string to the chain so I could pull it from outside the bathroom. Luckily we moved from there when I was five years old.

  2. Michelle Wallace says :

    Just a quick follow up. Did you receive the e-books: Jolissa: An Anti-Princess Story by Tara Tyler and Murder & Obsession by Yolanda Renee?
    Writer In Transit

  3. bluebethley says :

    Someone once told me that using exclamation points is like raising your eyebrows, and the reader can only raise his or her eyebrows so many times while reading a single story (or page, or even paragraph)! But, naturally, being of exuberant personality, I did feel this warning!!! throughout could have used a few more exclamation points!!! Especially for the snakes and spiders!

  4. Liesbet says :

    Nice ramblings, Ryan. What do you mean, one exclamation point??? I love those things, especially when I am angry and in a screaming mood!!!

    Liesbet @ Roaming About – A Life Less Ordinary

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