Familiar Unfamiliarity.

Or was it the other way around-unfamiliar familiarity. Either way, the moments, the memories, the comfort, all of it on display last night.

A friend of ours from the old neighborhood just completed an epic journey along the Pacific Crest Trail.  A walk of close to 3000 miles. The entire concept of such a distance makes my feet sore. I am so impressed with his determination and desire. The people he must have encountered, the stories, the places he must have seen, engaged in, amazing.

We were invited to a celebration of his feat and safe return.

Last evening, we drove the fifteen miles to our old stomping grounds and enjoyed a few hours reconnecting with some friends.

It has only been two months, hardly any time at all, but only the second time the four of us have been together, so close to our old home.  I could feel something different in the car as we exited the freeway and pulled up to the church where the party was being held.

It was an odd sensation-a familiarity, loaded with discomfort.

Sometimes, I dream I am places from my past-The years I was on a mission, or being in high school. Sometimes I am at the University and have forgotten to complete the term assignment due that day. All these places are familiar and at one time were very welcoming, places I wanted to be. Often, in the dream, I feel that pull of desire to return, but almost always along with that pull is the realization I no longer belong there.

When I used to ponder moving from Salt Lake, I would get so excited at the prospect of new things, a new house that didn’t require so much maintenance, a larger place for my family to live and grow. This would lead to nights dreaming we had moved and almost every morning, I would awaken feeling relieved we had not. This time it wasn’t a dream, we have moved and instead of fearing my new place, I feared I would wake up in my old room, and I would not feel pleased or comforted. I would instead feel deep regret.

As we drove away from good friends and good memories, I was filled with happiness. This new house has become my home. I am happy here, I don’t want to be anywhere else.

Funny revelation after only two months. I expected it to take much more time.

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About fenster

There are some who call me, Tim?

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