Maybe I’m in the Matrix
I am trying to imagine anything more fruitless than searching the Internet trying to discover reasons for my completely random and vague health symptoms.
I continue to struggle with the same generic issues-Lack of energy, low stamina when it comes to exercise, muscle loss, and the all time favorite, brain fog. Every possible diagnosis I come across has these two symptoms in conjunction with several others, none of which I experience.
My doctor visit and subsequent blood testing revealed nothing but a slight vitamin D deficiency. I don’t get consistent headaches or have abdominal pain. I’m not suffering from excessive weight loss or gain. I don’t have joint pain or depression. This rules out most of the ailments I have read about.
For a brief moment, I thought I may have adrenal fatigue, but I cant reconcile the stressor element, which is the primary cause of the disorder. I don’t believe I am menopausal either, though I could be wrong.
I have been trying various vitamin combinations, changing my diet to eating more vegetables, more local food, less sugar and processed foods. I am taking supplements, trying to maintain low intensity exercise (though I still do some good climbing on the bike), sleeping more, paying attention to my routines, and while there have been weeks of improvement, without exception, I find myself back where I started-tired, foggy, weaker.
This leads me to one logical conclusion. I am trapped in the Matrix. The only solution. I need to be set free, though a large part of me thinks I would hate that clarity more than this constant confusion. Also, my residual self image needs work. I don’t like the pot belly or wrinkly skin.
On the other hand, there might be a worm wrapped around my brain stem, affecting my medulla oblongata. I could be part of some clandestine government experiment, where they attempt to use these worms to control and manipulate the human population, making us more pliable and easy to conquer. They will certainly be coming for my guns (if I had any).
Another option. I am still five years old and (like I used to wonder) am trapped in a perpetual dream. It moves forward and I get older, learn, grow, but the reality is I am in my bed, sleeping comfortably. All of this life has been one awesome dream, one 9 hour sleep and soon I will wake up. I will be living in a two bedroom apartment with my almost one year old sister, my parents and my cat. I will wake up hungry for Frosted Flakes. My mother will kiss my head and as the knowledge slips from my child mind (like all dram wisdom does), I will let it fade away, grateful I am not old, bald, married, all of it. I wonder if I will be the least bit sad at all the wonders I am letting slide.
What was I talking about?