Sing This With Me, This Was 40

I hated being 25.  Rather than being able to enjoy my mid to late 20’s I found myself constantly disappointed with them, with myself.  I don’t know what it was I expected from that time.  I know that I felt very unaccomplished. I thought I should be graduated, employed in some field or other, on my way to becoming an adult. All I could see was my failures amplified in others around me. One of my college mentors, a professor, had already been teaching three years by the time he was twenty eight. Here I was, three years removed from that age and still spending my winters at Salt Lake Community College.  I did love going to school there. It wasn’t that the education I was receiving wasn’t up to the billing.  I really found out who and what kind of person I wanted to be during that time, but I have very clear memories of feeling “old” and “wasted”.

Now my30’s were fantastic! Working for the library, finding my groove in a career that I loved, a home life that was easily exceeding expectations. The only thing that changed was my attitude. I still felt older than I ever wanted to be, but that age felt earned and I felt justified in feeling it. Strange thing about being in your 30’s: All your quirks, all the passions that you carry with you, those things that, for years those you knew called “phases”, all of a sudden they were just who you were. Everyone around me started accepting my ideas, my thoughts and actions as part of who I was. What a liberating sensation!

Now I sit here, a few days removed from 41 and I have to admit, being over 40 is really great! So many things have changed and I almost wouldn’t blame myself for feeling a bit worn out by them. My career has taken a sudden and dramatic turn. I am responsible for two 11 year old boys who are a challenge and so damn funny.  I am trying, again, to find out who and what I want to be and what I want to do, but this time I am exited for it! I am honestly shocked at how much I love being 40. Driving home from getting coffee today, that was the thought that ran across my mind: ‘I loved being 40!” Let’s see what comes next, what 41 can bring.

About fenster

There are some who call me, Tim?

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